Yesterday I met with a friend of a friend who is in the aged care industry.  She shared with me that she had been to an event raising awareness of “Dying to Know Day”.  A little like Daffodil Day, Red Nose Day etc, this too, is raising awareness.  It is raising awareness of the facts that so few people have genuine conversations around death, dying and bereavement.

According to statistics on the “Dying to Know Day” website:

• 75% of us have not had end of life discussions
• 60% think we don’t talk about death enough

• Over 70% of us die in hospital though most of us would prefer to die at home
• Very few of us die with an advance care plan (less than 10 percent)
• The number of Australians aged 65 and over will double by 2050 increasing our need to plan while well and share our wishes with our loved ones.

Just over two years ago I organised an Advanced Personal Care Plan for my Auntie.  She has no children of her own so I am ‘Next of Kin’.  It has not been an easy journey as she was reluctant to talk about matters of death and ‘what if’ scenarios but we worked our way through this to ensure that if something happened to her, I could make decisions on her behalf and my brother had the power to manage her affairs appropriately.

Sadly two years later, we (my brother and I) are having to enact some of that authority.  We do so with a heavy heart as our aunt has been an amazing woman, living so well and is fit and healthy to this day.  However she has now been formally diagnosed with dementia and I have had to organise some care for her to ensure someone is looking out for her, someone can take her to the shops as she lives in another state to my brother and I.   She remains well enough to look after herself and cook for herself for now but we don’t know what the future holds.

I have managed to organise an ACAT assessment for her and now she is fully registered for assistance as required.  So what is ACAT you say – these are teams of medical and allied health professionals who assess you or a loved one’s physical, psychological, medical, restorative, cultural and social needs to help with access to appropriate levels of support.  You can wade through the MyGov website for yourself, or else you can call Blue Hope Consulting for some assistance to save you some time.

Some families may not be comfortable having those conversation with their parents but may find it useful to ask someone else to assist.  Blue Hope Consulting provides a small workbook to work through the conversation and document the preferences and wishes of your elderly family members.    I encourage you to start the conversation today.

Yesterday I enjoyed a Christmas in July luncheon that was a bit different from the usual.  Whilst there is nothing unusual about attending a Christmas in July, this had a distinct difference and one I will cherish to remember for many years yet.

Two of my guests will be 92 later in the year, the youngin’ was only 78 and the other lady 84.  Getting in the house required a little bit of management as the stroller and walking sticks of various shapes and forms appeared and were poised to get my visitors up the three stairs to my living area.  Once inside, I could appreciate the effort each of these four beautiful old girls had gone to, to prepare for the event.  My invitation had indicated that the theme for the day was ‘blue and silver’.  The ladies were dressed in various shades of blue and aqua and you could tell there had been a lot of thought into what they wore.  One brought the most beautiful handbag in blue and aqua satin.  Goodness knows how far into the depths of the cupboard she had gone to retrieve this, but you could tell they had enjoyed the anticipation as much as the event itself.

They oohed and aahed over my table that was dressed with silver and blue bon bons that I had made myself, little place card holders with butterflies and other silver and blue decorations.  When I told them I had made the bon bons myself, they marveled with rapture, then laughed loudly as I shared that I had deliberately cleared five toilet rolls just to get the shape for the bon bons!  This of course was hilarious watching their laughter.  In each of the bon bons I had put a joke that I had typed up or copied off the internet.  The first joke read out brought so many laughs it was precious.  91 year old Mrs T was in fits of laughter as she read the joke, breaking down and almost tears falling down her face as she endeavoured three attempts to share the punch line.  The rest of us thought it was fabulous to see this old girl laughing so hard, we of course joined in.  Finally we wrestled the joke off her so that we could share the punch line with the others.  And so the afternoon went on.  So much laughter, so much innocent fun.

In my invitation I had also asked that each of my guests share a story or poem.  One lady had brought her grade reader from Primary school and shared two poems from this.  Just passing around this 80 year old text book was something that stirred a wonderful conversation about literature and education.  Another lady brought with her some creative writing – samples of her work that she had written in her creative writing class at the Nursing Home.  We shared stories and poems which was such a delight.  My rather poor attempt at roast lamb was overlooked by the rich conversation that we shared.

The pièce de résistance was when one brought out a shawl that she had brought to show us all.  Naturally, it was blue but had silver threaded through it.  We believe it may have Iranian or Indian origin but the design was beautiful and a perfect occasion to share such an item.  Like most present, it was close to 100 years old.

None of these women were in the peak of health, between poor hearing, diabetic incidents and one in hospital a couple of weeks ago, it was a marvel that they all managed to get there.    But get there they did, showing that you’re never too old to have a bit of fun and laugh heartily.

I find that there is an increasing need to help people determine the right location and work through the myriad of options, assessments and doctors visits as they prepare to support someone transition from an independent lifestyle that that supported through aged care.

To that end Blue Hope Consulting offers a number of packages to help families transition their elderly family members into the right care in their Twilight years.